Thank You for Your Opinion! Moving on Now...

I read this quote recently on Pinterest of all places, "The secret to self-confidence isn't to stop caring what people think, it's to start caring about what you think. It's to make your opinion of you more important than anyone else's."

The quote itself sounds pretty simple, right? My opinion about me matters more than other people's opinion of me.

But how do you get there? What is your opinion of yourself? Do you even know?

Quick hint: listen to the voice that speaks to you all day long? What is it saying? Sometimes that voice isn't so nice to us. Or maybe it is just me that has that mean little inner critic sometimes.

Nine years ago, I went through a challenging divorce. I had been with this man I truly loved from age 13 until I was 35! At the end of it, my opinion of myself was pretty low!

Honestly, I had no clue who I was. I had grown up with him! I had given him and the kids my everything. I was so lost, scared, and it was so hard figuring out who I was, what I wanted, and how to get there.

I did a lot of exploring and made a ton of mistakes! Like way more than I'm willing to own up to! I got judged a lot, and sometimes it was for good reasons!

But in the process of that school of hard knocks, I figured a few things out about self-love and acceptance. When I was done making the big mistakes lol, I began taking a long hard look inside of me.

I began to ask some hard questions about who I was! Who I wanted to be! I was searching for my true passion! These were things I had never thought about before!

I was blessed, having found my career path early, which connected me to a few awesome therapist friends. They saw things in me I didn't see. They helped me take some big leaps of faith and venture out. If it wasn't for them, I don't think I would have had the courage to open The Lotus Healing Center!

In this journey, here is what I learned.

Ask yourself the hard questions. What brings me the biggest joy in my life? If you aren't sure, think about the last time you felt at peace, happy, or just in alignment with who you are or want to be.

By starting with where you feel the most fulfilled, you will be in alignment with your most authentic self, and then it is easier to ignore the naysayers!

As you step into your purpose and follow your dreams, people will try to maintain the status quo. They will tell you all sorts of negative things and I’m sure they mean well. Politely say, “Thank you for your opinion!” Then move on! Please, don't listen to them, or better yet, keep your dreams a secret from those that pull you down!

Maybe you are your naysayer! I was having a conversation with a friend one day telling her all about my big dreams for this private practice I wanted to open someday…

She asked a simple question, "Why not now?"

First of all, I about fell over and had so much anxiety about even considering taking my dream to reality!!!!

I had 100 reasons why not, but none of them held any water.

The reality was my mean inner critic that liked the status quo and security of my state job and pension, was like, "Oh no girl, you can't leave that!" "You're a single mom with a boy about to go to college!"

I had to do some serious work on my self-limiting beliefs that told me I wasn't smart enough, strong enough, or good enough to do such a big thing independently.

I still struggle from time to time with this voice, but now I don't let it control me. Meditation and journaling helped me connect with who I wanted to be and recognize the thoughts and behaviors that were not aligned with those things. As I notice that mean critic, I thank her for her opinion and shift to a more positive thought.

You are probably like yeah, right, Kim, that is crazy, but I swear to you it can be done. As you do it, over time, it gets easier.

The more you shift, the better you feel, so it encourages you to stick with the process. There is amazing self-confidence in loving yourself enough to quiet that mean little inner critic and pursue your dreams.

Start small with the easy stuff that is more easily shifted.

For me, it was that little voice that I kept hearing telling me I was stupid and not strong enough. But in reality, there are stacks of evidence to support the opposite.

I also knew I had survived and conquered so many things in my life, so I am strong enough! As that inner voice popped my head, I would say thanks for your opinion but, I am a beautiful, strong, intelligent woman. I've got this!

On days it was a little harder to believe, I would look for evidence to support my claim. The more evidence I stacked up, the better I felt, and the easier it was to believe!

Call to action…

I challenge you to spend a few days just listening to that voice in your head—no judgment or attempts to change!

Be an observer of your own thoughts! Simply listen!

Notice the themes and pick one to tackle!

Journal about all the evidence you can think of that does not support that mean little critic's voice. Once you do that, come up with the opposite.

If it says you are ugly, find your beauty.

If it says you're stupid, find your intelligence. I might add intelligence is not always found in book smarts! It can be found in a skill, talent, creativity, or connectivity.

If it says you are weak, find your strength.

When you do this, write out an affirmation that helps you shift.

Place that affirmation in places where you see it several times a day. Set alarms on your watch or phone to remind you to read it out loud. Speak it to yourself in the mirror….

Do what you can to help you shift, and over time, with repetition, it will stick!

I promise you investing in yourself will be the most valuable work you can do this year. Take the time to put in the effort, and it will make you a happier, healthier human!